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What is Gratitude?

In the song Toast by Koffee, the lyrics “Gratitude is a must” seem so mundane yet are so impactful because indeed, gratitude is a must. November and December are always that time of the year when a myriad of emotions are naturally present. Amidst academic, work, personal, and family challenges, you have made it till now. That could be a sign of determination, perseverance, and resilience. And given all those emotions, whether affiliated with positivity or negativity – there is always something to be grateful for.

Gratitude means more than simply saying thank you. Researchers usually define it as a feeling or state that results from both (1) recognizing a good thing, such as a positive outcome or gift we’ve received, and (2) recognizing that this good thing came from outside ourselves. 

Bouncing back from failure

Like many of you, this is the time of year when I take time for reflection and gratitude. Reflection and gratitude form an innate core of my being because they help me build better connections with the people in my personal and work/academic life and improve my relationships. Each year, I reflect on my experiences and think about how I could have done better. But what happens when I did not achieve my new year’s resolutions, failed an exam, did not complete my work KPIs, did not save money, or lose weight? What now? Perhaps you walked into that exam room feeling very confident but the results prove otherwise.

I recently watched a YouTube video by one of SA’s best content creators, the Financial Bunny: Nicollete Mashile. And when I was watching, she said one sentence that completely changed my outlook. “Make your financial mistakes early – you have time to recover”, whilst this statement was aimed at financial advice, it can be relevant to most aspects of our lives. You are young. You will recover. Whichever mistake you made, which ultimately lead to your failure or not achieving your goals, just remember that there’s always time to dust it off and redeem yourself.

If you’re currently trying to navigate failure which you will inevitably go through at some stage, two things are always important to remember:

1. Failure is not the end of the world – everyone goes through it at some stage.
2. Failure is only redirection and we should always learn from it.

Overcoming failure and learning from the process requires certain stages:

• Take a step back

Failure seems earth-shattering when it happens which means your emotions are all over the place when it happens

• Identify the cause of the failure

Were you taking too many classes? Did you fail to implement good study techniques? Was there something in your personal life distracting you from your studies?

• Develop a plan

Think about how you can retry more smartly. For instance, get an accountability partner, download commitment apps, and study in the library instead of your room.

• Get help if necessary

Get a tutor if necessary or simply raise your hand in class if necessary.

If you feel like a failure in other ways, let’s say for instance you did not achieve some of your new year’s resolutions, the points above are still relevant. Remember, to not be too hard on yourself. There is always next year. And amid the “failures”, force yourself to find something to be grateful for – even if it is as simple as the gift of life.

 And for those who have had good marks and are generally happy with the outcomes of the year, please keep up the impressive work. I hope you can find a way to celebrate yourself and acknowledge all your hard work.

I also encourage you to take time to recharge over the summer and get back stronger for 2023! As we wrap up this year, I hope you will take a moment to reflect and learn from your failures, revel in all your successes, and always remain grateful. And remember, gratitude is not gratitude unless it is expressed.

Like any other year, when the year ends, we begin to reflect. Are you energized for the year that was? Did you experience any life-changing achievements? Stressed by all the outstanding tasks that still need to be completed before the year ends? Disappointed by unattained goals or healing from scars? Most importantly, how are you managing the year coming to an end?

The last couple of months of the year is always busy for everyone. If you’re a student, you’re completing final assignments and preparing for exams or if you’re an employee, you’re wrapping up projects, preparing year-end reports, and making plans for the upcoming 12 months. Add to that the potential stress of family get-togethers and festivities over the holidays, so it’s easy to see how stress levels can start to soar.

While a bit of stress over short periods can improve your performance, high levels of stress that last for longer than a couple of days can have a serious impact on your body and mind. Symptoms of stress include head, neck, and backache; low energy levels; anxiety and depression; forgetfulness; and irritability. And when you’re experiencing one or more of these symptoms, it’s not too long before both your personal and professional life and or academic start to suffer. So, how can you better manage everything and keep your sanity?

Fortunately, there are several ways to handle year-end stress. Keep the following tips in mind:

Learn how to manage other people’s expectations of you

After altering your own expectations, learn how to manage other people’s expectations of you. Talk to some of your colleagues, friends, and family members about the real expectations that can be completed before the year ends. And if there are some unrealistic expectations that you have identified and would like to either shift to the following year or delegate, be transparent about that.

Break down tasks into bite sizes

One of the biggest stressors is the size of what you have to accomplish. Sometimes just viewing the lists of what we need to do can be massive but it is always about perspective. If possible, break down those big tasks into smaller tasks that can be achieved. This is to help us feel a sense of accomplishment so that we are not overwhelmed.

Do something you enjoy every day. 

Set aside 30 minutes to an hour for an activity you love, such as reading, listening to music, playing your favourite sport, or meeting with a friend. This can help you relax and increase your resilience to stress.

Practice self-care

We tend to put all of our projects and others ahead of us during the end of the year mad rush to get it all done. Don’t do this. You’ll be better equipped to handle stress if your mind and body are healthy. Eat healthy food, drink plenty of water, exercise, and get enough sleep.

The end of the year comes with celebrating various holidays and welcoming in a brand-new year. It should be a time of joy and yet; it often comes with the stress of having too much to do and not enough time to get it all done. Following some of these tips might just help you get your energy back and enjoy this holiday time and ringing in the New Year.

The concept of creating a visual image map in your mind’s eye toward achieving your goals is nothing necessarily new—ever heard of the quote “what the mind can conceive, it can achieve”. This speaks to the fact that if you can visualize achieving your goal and the steps to get there, you can bring it into reality. You need to work towards clearly understanding your career plan and the possible outcomes of the work you’re putting in, otherwise you may find yourself in situations where you attain your goals but do not understand the “why” behind the goal.

When structuring your career path, visualizing the future that you want is critical. Creating a vision of your future role, environment, and lifestyle will set you on the right path to making the right decisions.

What is visualization?

• Visualization is the process of creating a mental image of a goal you would like to achieve in the future. You use your thoughts to imagine a certain outcome, and what you will do to get it.
• Where do you see yourself within a decade? What type of job do you do? In which environment? What level of influence do you have? Do you have an impact positively on other people?
• Most importantly, ask yourself “why”. You need to know the reasons behind it.

Be detailed about your career path

Visualizing your career requires you to create a very detailed and specific image of your future. Additionally, to envision your future career, you need to outline the contents of your future lifestyle.

You create a life goal plan by answering these two questions for your life:

1. What do you want to start doing?
2. What do you want to stop doing?

How to visualize the end goal of your career

1. Create a mental image

Visualize how you see yourself in extreme detail. Be so detailed that you can even include the environment of your office, the kind atmosphere, the mission and vision of the company, is it in the public or private sector? Is it a multinational corporation or a local NGO?

2. Set pragmatic goals and take actions

• You need to ask yourself what needs to happen for your goals to become a reality and thereafter, visualize the small steps you need to take to get there. In other words, break down your bigger picture into bite-size chunks. Experts on visualizing your dreams have even said that every day, you need to do something that brings you closer to your dream. Therefore, daily focus and execute on the methods to help you reach your outcomes.
• Regardless of how large or successful the actions that you take care of in the long run, by taking action, you’re proving to your subconscious mind that you’re moving in the direction of your goals, which makes achieving them seem less far-fetched.

3. Celebrate small wins

Further than that, whenever you make a milestone, motivate yourself by celebrating those wins. Have you finally completed an application? Celebrate. Got a promotion at work? Celebrate.

4. Be open to redirection

The key to reaching career goals is always being open to life’s pleasant surprises. Life has a way of surprising us and our careers are no exception, so I encourage you to have confidence in yourself and your ability to reach your career goals while maintaining an open mind about what the journey may be like in your pursuit.

The more we routinely get specific about our goals and become detailed about our ambitions, the more we’re able to trick our brains and allow ourselves to believe that our goals are attainable. As a result, we become more tenacious in our efforts to achieve our dreams.

Around the months of December and January people, organizations, even whole populations tend to reflect on the year that has passed. We may ask ourselves “How did I get here? Have I met my goals? Have I made a difference in the world? Have I progressed? Am I happy? What’s happening next?” To be self-aware at the individual level, in a relationship or within an organization it is necessary to ask deep questions of ourselves, looking back on what has happened and also forward towards what we want to do. To pause, reflect and contemplate is part of leading an intentional life. Those who are goal- and purpose-oriented do this at regular intervals in order to measure where they are at, whether they are doing the things that complement their purpose and dreams and to take stock of their emotional, psychological and physical well-being. The key benefits of self-reflection as a long-tern practice are that it helps you to become resilient, prepares you to be innovative where opportunities arise and augments your leadership skills.

Why is reflection an important part of life

If you seek to live a life of purpose, introspection is an important habit to practice at regular intervals.  Often it is easy to identify the areas in life that we want to change, where we feel unsatisfied or frustrated, but it is also important to be mindful of where we find our happiness and feel we are achieving. When you recognize and celebrate your successes and achievements, know what brings you happiness, joy and a sense of fulfilment and can align your activities, practices, work and relationships to your purpose you are far more well equipped to be a grounded, balanced and an empathetic person. Remember though that it is a life-long journey that needs a long-term commitment and ongoing work.

As a life-long practice self-reflection helps you to develop the inner tools to pursue your personal goals and recognize when opportunities arise that fit in with your long-term plans or may lead to growth you had not previously anticipated. It helps you to know yourself, what you have and where you are at, your purpose in life and what things are meaningful to you. Over time, you will have a deeper knowledge of your talents, what you have to offer the world and what gives you meaningful joy. These are the building blocks for sustaining your motivation to do the things you need and want to do.

The past two years have been a time where we really do need to reflect. We continue to live through the tumult of a global pandemic and it has been widely reported that people have increasingly experienced dissatisfaction, depression, anxiety and a sense of hopelessness. It is a moment in history that will be remembered for centuries. During this period, we have experienced and observed rapid and large-scale shifts in how we do things that have been challenging, scary, sad and filled with uncertainty. This era of heightened change, uncertainty and precarity requires us to do reflection for a number of reasons. Firstly, it is important to carve out the physical and mental space to pause, take a breath and think deeply about the situation you are in and what it means to your life in the bigger sense especially during periods of prolonged chaos or uncertainty. Having that time to think gives you the space to be creative in contemplating what your next steps could be to help improve your emotional processing, decision-making, situational observation and communication skills. Secondly, reflection allows you to step out of the immediate intensity of your situation and context and seek to find understanding and meaning in the broader setting. As you become more skilled at the art or reflection, you can apply a critical observational view to the things you are reflecting on. Looking not only at how they have meaning to a particular moment, incident or period but what the long-term implications are and how you can carve out opportunities for personal growth and new ways to survive, find happiness and connection, and pursue the goals you have set for yourself.

Self-reflection is important because it allows you to get to know yourself as you are changing in a transforming world; it can help you to conscientiously remember the positive experiences you’ve had and actions you have taken as well as processing the challenges, difficulties and traumas you are living through; it can be a tool for mindfulness and making sense of your experiences. It is a useful foundation before you do goal-setting as it helps you to recognize what your priorities are and what unresolved issues you may need to give attention to. By practicing self-reflection, we strengthen our capacity for self-awareness – the ability to see and understand ourselves beyond the superficial and instinctive, how we fit into the world (with our friends, family, partners, communities) and what makes our lives feel meaningful.

What does reflection entail

In practice self-reflection can be done in different ways: as an individual, within a group (such as your closest family or circle of friends) or with the help of a coach or therapist. In whatever format you decide on, it requires 5 essential resources: time, mindfulness, observation, openness and objectivity. When one first starts doing self-reflection it can initially seem daunting or intimidating but as with all new skills your capacity will improve with practice. For a practical ‘how to’ framework, let us use the example of an individual starting to work on self-reflection. You will need to set aside times that you can dedicate to thinking about what has happened in your live during the period of time you want to reflect on. The time commitment may be over several sessions. You may set a slot for brainstorming what period you want to reflect on (e.g., the past 24 months), then you may want a different day to work on documenting the most significant things you want to work through (such as work experiences, your health, your academic performance, a certain relationship), you may need a separate time to document your thoughts and feelings on each area of reflection. It will be useful to identify places where you can work peacefully, with no interruptions and what tools you will require to document your observations. Writing down your thoughts, reflections and understandings may work well, or you might prefer drawing or recording audio/visual clips. Documenting your content should be in the form that works best for you and that you can come back to later if you need to. As you create your story you will need to intentionally reflect on and remember the things you note as important to you, the things you think have had the most impact. It is important to recognize the positive and negative impacts. During the documentation process you will probably already start experiencing emotions that relate to those experiences and situations, this process of recording/remembering and feeling are the early stages of self-reflection. Once you have captured all the experiences and memories you want to work with, you can then interrogate what meaning they have had for you, why you felt the way you did, what you want to do with those feelings, lessons and experiences you have learnt for moving forward and what you need to do if you want to make changes over the coming months and year. Document your thoughts, feelings and resolutions as you work through understanding the areas of reflection and identifying what actions you want to take for the future. At this point it is helpful to create a set of goals or preliminary action plan which you can come back to at a later stage and develop further.

There are some exceptional circumstances where self-reflection may lead to negative results. While it is valuable to practice self-reflection at regular intervals, be wary of it becoming an obsessive habit. It is a tool for assessing how you are doing and one means of remaining focused on your priorities and goals. However, if done in excess, it may cause you to become overly critical and judgmental of yourself and hinder your confidence in your own abilities to perform or take decisions. When done in a healthy way, self-reflection can be useful for remaining focused, building happiness and recognizing your own growth and achievements. Another area of concern to be mindful of is if you are dealing with unresolved or ongoing trauma, self-reflection can be a very intensive – even disturbing – exercise. You may need to work with someone who is therapeutically qualified to support you in navigating that trauma and can help with identifying how you can heal, look forward to the future and understand what internal shifts are happening.

In short self-reflection is the repeated act of thinking about your life in an intentional way to examine and make sense of your experiences and future plans. It is an intentional look at your inner-self –thoughts, emotions, ambitions – activities, relationships, endeavors, history and imagined future. It is a process to examine how you are doing. A chance to take the time to think about what you like, what works in your life, what you would like to cultivate to build your resilience, happiness and sense of satisfaction. It is also a time to take an honest account of what you are not satisfied with, what has not been working for you and ask yourself whether there are areas of development that you want to work on so that you are aligning your inner-self, choices and activities with the long-term plans you have for your life. Self-reflection is conscientious, considered and deeply introspective. It is building a relationship with yourself, knowing your own story and putting your life in perspective so that you have the inner tools to pursue a life that you find meaningful.